Lords & Ladies - A Discworld Army List for HotT
by Mark Bevis

Having recently reread Terry Pratchett's Lords and Ladies novel, it struck me that it had sufficient 'military' activity to produce army lists for Hordes of the Things.

I must admit to not being too well up on the HotT rules, although I do have a copy. I have not yet found an opponent who would be interested. Veteran gamers/Pratchett readers may disagree with the ratings I have chosen - if so write in your amendments!

The novel deals with the Kingdom of Lancre being invaded by the 'Lords and Ladies' - evil elves, entering through a time-space gate in a stone circle.

The Kingdom of Lancre

The element representing the Witches/Wizards should have Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Og and Ridcully the Wizard. The witches can be on brooms. Queen Magrat is in full metal armour and a winged helmet, with a large axe and sword, on a captured elven horse. The Librarian is an Orang-utan with formidable strength. The Lancre Town Levy are reluctant civilians armed with spears bows and swords, led by Shaun Og. The bees are a swarm of angry bees. Greebo is a very nasty cat perhaps he could be depicted exploding from a box and clawing an elf to bits.

Alternatively this lurker element can he replaced by Casanunda the Dwarf, the Discworld's "second best lover" - a three foot nine inch (115cm for our EU friends) tall dwarf in flashy robes, large hat, wig and sword (think Cavalier style).

The Morris Dancers are similar to the traditional English folk dancers, doing the 'bucket and stick' dance. This involves seven men, one accordion, six sticks (and buckets?). They count as Blades only when moving and singing, as the elves love music so much they will not attack. Consequently the Morris Dancers can never destroy and enemy element, only push it back.

Ridcully the Magician used no offensive magic in the novel, but was very effective with a hunting crossbow, hence the option for him as shooter.

If using DBM style Inferior and Superior rated elements, then it is suggested that Greebo, the Bees and the Librarian are Superior, Queen Magrat and the Lancre Levy are Inferior.

The Lords and Ladies

These are traditional evil, mischief making elves from an alternate dimension that are intent on reclaiming the Kingdom of Lancre. They wore elaborate patchworks of fur, leather, cloth etc. in bright colours, with fine hair and pointed ears. They fear iron so use stone knives and possibly bronze swords, as well as bows with poison-tipped arrows that put the victim in a coma.

If using DBM style ratings. Then the Unicorn is Superior, Riders and Flyers are Inferior. ALL elements become Inferior if in close combat with Queen Magrat - all that iron armour makes them feeble. Elf flyers ride on yellow stalks, whatever they look like.

Special Magic Rule

The elves have a 'glamour' in the novel which creates a total inferiority complex in humans that become influenced, so much so that they cannot flee or fight, but become paralysed. Granny Weatherwax also managed a similar holding effect on the elves. To represent this, allow a magical attack by Magician Elements that costs 4 PIPs and is targeted against a group of elements. If successful the whole group is ensorcelled, except any Magician and Hero elements. These may only be ensorcelled in the usual manner. This type of mass ensorcellement is broken on the subsequent expenditure of 4 PIPs rather than the usual 6 PIPs.

More Hordes

The novel hints at other forces that could have joined in. As the elves outnumbered the humans, simply double or triple their numbers. Lancre could have been aided by a Generic Dwarf army as per HotT, and/or by an army of Trolls.

Can anyone now suggest what figures to use for these armies, apart from the hugely expensive official miniatures!

Ed Note: Hordes of the Things is a generic set of Fantasy wargames rules produced by the Wargames Research Group and was reviewed in Ragnarok 1. A second edition is now available and was reviewed in Ragnarok 43. HOTT has won the Best Fantasy Wargames Rules category in the SFSFW Awards five times out of seven! For further details regarding price and availability, send an SSAE to Wargames Research Group, The Keep, Le Marchant Barracks, London Road, Devizes, Wiltshire, SN10 2ER.